Beware of wolves?

30 Oct

That’s what the sign says, but shouldn’t the wolf be aware of the little girl?

Once upon a time, there was a little girl who lived in a village near the forest.  She loved dressing in red, said it was “her colour”, so everyone called her Little Red Riding Hood.

One morning, she asked her mother if she could go to visit her grandmother while they were partying in the city, as it had been awhile since they’d seen each other, then packed a basket full of goodies to take over to her grandmother and left.

At the same time, the wolf was heading to the girl’s grandmother house too. The wolf…that girl drove him crazy. He was madly in love with her, but she  kept ignoring him. Maybe it was the hair, the fangs, the smell, or maybe she didn’t like guys with 4 legs, who knows.  One day he got desperate and thought that maybe if he made friends with her family things would be different. Her parents weren’t home so he decided visiting the grandma. While he was on his way, he could smell Red Riding Hood on her way too…what a great idea, we’ll meet there!!!, he said to himself. Unfortunately the old grumpy woman wans’t too friendly, and he was hungry so…he had to eat her.

After eating, he looked into through Granny’s wardrobe to find a nightgown that he liked, knowing the girl was about to arrive.  He added a cap to hide his ears and waited. A few minutes later, Red Riding Hood knocked on the door.  The wolf jumped into bed and pulled the covers over his nose.  “Who is it?” he called in a cackly voice.

–  It’s me, Little Red Riding Hood.”

–  Oh how lovely!  Do come in, my dear,” said the wolf.

When Little Red Riding Hood entered the little house, she could barely recognize her Grandmother.

– Granny!  Your voice sounds so weird, are you ok?”,  she asked.

– Oh, I just have a cold,” replied the wolf coughing.

– But Grandmother!  What big ears you have,” said Little Red Riding Hood as she edged closer to the bed.

– The better to hear you with, my dear,” replied the wolf.

– But Grandmother!  What big eyes you have,” said Little Red Riding Hood.

– The better to see you with, my dear,” replied the wolf.

– But Grandmother!  What big mouth you have,” said Little Red Riding Hood her voice quivering slightly.

– The better to kiss you with, my dear,” roared the wolf and he leapt out of the bed and began to chase the little girl.

-You are not my granny!!!!!What have you done to her?

-Of course not, I am the wolf and I love you!!!!Who cares about your old grandmother, she wont make you happy like I will!!!

-Omg you annoying freak, I thought I made clear I am not interested in you!!!What have you done to my granny?, she said while looking at the wolf’s belly.

-I’m sorry, I didn’t want to, I just…I love you!!!

-She ran outside, shouting: “Help!  Wolf!” as loudly as she could.

Outside, next to an old stump, she found an axe and then walked inside the house again. Where are you, my hairy friend?, she said. Come on, I never really liked that old woman anyway, come outside so we can go dancing to celebrate…

The poor idiot then came out of the wardrobe and, so fast he didn’t even feel it, she cut his head off. In the last second, he could even see her smile…

Sing me a song

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