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Amelie in Wonderland part. II: The headless Queen

8 Dec

Suddenly the tea party was interrupted by the sound of thunders and we could hear the steps of the Queen’s army quickly approaching. Not knowing what to do Amelie stayed in her chair, slowly drinking tea and eating a cupcake.

- Hurry Amelie, if she gets us she’ll cut our heads off!!!!

- Who?, she asked.

- Amelie, The  Red Queen!!!!!!

- But, but…i saw her downstairs and she seemed nice!!

- You better start running now… just saying, said a voice.

- Who are you?, asked Amelie.

- My name is Amelie, but everyone here knows me as the Cheshire Kitty.

- Oh, i see Amelie is a very common name here!!

- Yes, and we’re all mad here, so you two better start running!

- But where to?, asked the Mad Hatter.

- See that big mirror? Just close your eyes and walk through it, you’ll be safe if you’re fast enough!!

Soon they found themselves in the snow, it was cold and they had no idea where to go. Luckily they found two people sitting on a bench, under the snow…

-Hey there, who are you?

- I am TweedleDee and this is my sister TweedleDum. We’re waiting for the bus.

- But there is no road here, i don’t think there’s a bus either.

- Foreigners, the twins replied at the same time.

- I found you!!!!! Now you’re going to regret not inviting me to that damm party!!!!!!!

They were so impressed with the twins that they forgot about the evil queen. Now they had nowhere to run to…

- You, little girl, you’ll be painting those damm white roses, and i want them red!!! Red like blood, red like cherries, red like…like tomatoes!!! I just want them red, capiche?

- Noooooo that is not red, that is orange!!! Orange like….oranges!! I want them red, stupid girl, red…REEEEEEEEED!!!!

Amelie kept painting as fast as she could, but the queen kept screaming like mad. They are all truly mad here, she thought.

It was so cold her fingers were turning blue…and that damm queen kept screaming. Just when she was about to shout she saw something shining between the tree’s branches…

- An axe and a knife?

- Shhh grab them Amelie…grab them and do what you came here for, said a voice behind the tree.

- But who are you?, asked Amelie.

- I am Amylee, but most people here know me as the White Queen.

- And where is your crown? Why should i trust you?

- I don’t like crowns, i prefer teacups. And i doubt you’re in a position to choose, dear…

She thought the White Queen was right after all, so grabbed the axe and the knife. Right after grabbing the magic weapons she felt fire inside her, fire burning inside …her clothes changed colour too and she became someone totally different.

- WTF? Said the Red Queen. And those were her last words.

- Off with your head!!!!! Said Amelie.

- Ok, now i want my cupcake back!!

Mmmmm cupcakes…

Beware of wolves?

30 Oct

That’s what the sign says, but shouldn’t the wolf be aware of the little girl?

Once upon a time, there was a little girl who lived in a village near the forest.  She loved dressing in red, said it was “her colour”, so everyone called her Little Red Riding Hood.

One morning, she asked her mother if she could go to visit her grandmother while they were partying in the city, as it had been awhile since they’d seen each other, then packed a basket full of goodies to take over to her grandmother and left.

At the same time, the wolf was heading to the girl’s grandmother house too. The wolf…that girl drove him crazy. He was madly in love with her, but she  kept ignoring him. Maybe it was the hair, the fangs, the smell, or maybe she didn’t like guys with 4 legs, who knows.  One day he got desperate and thought that maybe if he made friends with her family things would be different. Her parents weren’t home so he decided visiting the grandma. While he was on his way, he could smell Red Riding Hood on her way too…what a great idea, we’ll meet there!!!, he said to himself. Unfortunately the old grumpy woman wans’t too friendly, and he was hungry so…he had to eat her.

After eating, he looked into through Granny’s wardrobe to find a nightgown that he liked, knowing the girl was about to arrive.  He added a cap to hide his ears and waited. A few minutes later, Red Riding Hood knocked on the door.  The wolf jumped into bed and pulled the covers over his nose.  “Who is it?” he called in a cackly voice.

-  It’s me, Little Red Riding Hood.”

-  Oh how lovely!  Do come in, my dear,” said the wolf.

When Little Red Riding Hood entered the little house, she could barely recognize her Grandmother.

- Granny!  Your voice sounds so weird, are you ok?”,  she asked.

- Oh, I just have a cold,” replied the wolf coughing.

- But Grandmother!  What big ears you have,” said Little Red Riding Hood as she edged closer to the bed.

- The better to hear you with, my dear,” replied the wolf.

- But Grandmother!  What big eyes you have,” said Little Red Riding Hood.

- The better to see you with, my dear,” replied the wolf.

- But Grandmother!  What big mouth you have,” said Little Red Riding Hood her voice quivering slightly.

- The better to kiss you with, my dear,” roared the wolf and he leapt out of the bed and began to chase the little girl.

-You are not my granny!!!!!What have you done to her?

-Of course not, I am the wolf and I love you!!!!Who cares about your old grandmother, she wont make you happy like I will!!!

-Omg you annoying freak, I thought I made clear I am not interested in you!!!What have you done to my granny?, she said while looking at the wolf’s belly.

-I’m sorry, I didn’t want to, I just…I love you!!!

-She ran outside, shouting: “Help!  Wolf!” as loudly as she could.

Outside, next to an old stump, she found an axe and then walked inside the house again. Where are you, my hairy friend?, she said. Come on, I never really liked that old woman anyway, come outside so we can go dancing to celebrate…

The poor idiot then came out of the wardrobe and, so fast he didn’t even feel it, she cut his head off. In the last second, he could even see her smile…

Doofy & Snow White, just another bizarre love story

29 Jul

Being a princess isn’t easy, specially when your dad gets married with an evil woman that is jealous of your youth and beauty. Snow White got tired of all those boring princes that only wanted the secksin and her dad’s money so she was quite glad when her stepmother sent her to the dark forest…

No animals , no people, nothing. She was about to die of boredom when suddenly she started hearing some music…Following the sound she found a club in the middle of the forest and there he was, giving it all on the dancefloor.

- Hey pretty!!! My name is Doofy, how are you?

- Hello, i am Snow White, but my friends call me Snowhite. I am a bit lost in the forest.

- Oh, don’t worry i can take you home. Used to live with my 6 brothers but i got tired of them. Wanna see where i live?

She was hungry and needed to pee badly, so was quite happy to go somewhere nice, and that little dwarf looked harmless…

 

- Ohhh i love roses, thank you!!

- A girl like you should always have roses.

- I like you, Doofy.

Snowhite was feeling safe with that sweet romancing dwarf, they danced and danced and finally rested a bit on the beach.

 

- Mmm Doofy, you have a big thing in your pocket!

- Oh…that…that is my mobile phone sweety. Anyway, do you wanna see the rest of the place?

- Sure, do you have a toilet?

- Ermm…yes i guess…

 

Doofy said they’d play a game, and after playing she could pee. Snowhite agreed, after all she was very curious about this guy and always liked playing.

 

- Ooh a cross! Dad’s wife has one, but i never knew what was it for.

- It is a very funny toy, just let me adjust the cuffs and…voila!

After a while she was sweating lots, so Doofy gently offered to help her get undressed… and they continued playing.

 

After an hour or so Doofy and Snowhite were both tired, and the idea of a massage seemed nice…

 

 

- Oh, almost forgot, next week it’s my birthday. My 6 brothers will visit, wanna join the party?

- Sure Doofy, i am not going anywhere…

Amelie in Wonderland

29 Jun

Amelie was always a very curious girl, she loved investigating, exploring and always learning new things from the weirdest situations. One day, while in her lovely garden, she saw a very cute rabbit running through the flowers. She even could hear him scream: i’m late!!!late to my own party!!
Party, that was the magic word. Amelie couldn’t do anything else than follow the little rabbit, it was getting dark so she didn’t saw the hole in the ground.

And she was falling and falling…til she landed on some other garden. It was getting dark and cold, and no sign of the rabbit. Hmmm maybe in that castle…

- Hello, are you a queen?
- Yes, i am Amelie, the Red Queen of Wonderland.
- Ooohhh what a coincidence, my name is Amelie too!!
- It is a very common name here…
- Have you seen a white rabbit?
- Yes, he went to the party through that red door. Unfortunately they didn’t invite me…maybe it’s because i like cutting some heads off once in a while…
- Oh that is a shame, well i’ll try going to the party. Take care Queen Amelie.

- Hello my name is Amelie, can i join your party?
- Oh yes, my name is Amelie too. Take a seat next to me, said a woman with a strange hat with birds on top of it.

- I am Amelie and i own Le Cirque Du Freaks here in Wonderland. This is the white rabbit’s birthday, and those are his sister Amelie and his girlfriend Amelie, with their kid on her hat.

- Ohhh pleased to meet you, you all have very nice hats!!
- I am glad you like them Amelie, i am Amelie, the mad hatter and i made all these hats as well as the one Amelie, the card sitting next to me, is wearing. Maybe i could make one for you!

- Oohhh i’d love that!!!

And then we all heard screams and thunders outside…as one dark cloud was getting close to the castle…

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